Moving on to the next phase of treatment.

With chemo well behind me I am moving on to the next phase. This is a picture from my last day of chemo. The t-shirt says "Yes, they're fake! (The real ones tried to kill me!) It was a big hit in the chemo room and at the plastic surgeon's office.

If you remember back to the original surgery I had, I developed an infection on the left side. After a subsequent surgery and antibiotics the plastic surgeon  decided to take the tissue expander out on the left side so I could get started on chemotherapy treatment.

With chemotherapy completed, I had surgery last Thursday to put the tissue expander back in to continue on with the reconstruction. The surgery was scheduled for 9:30 a.m. It went well and I was home around lunchtime. My friend Linda drove me to the out patient facility and back home again. She stayed with me and spoiled Shadow with treats. Linda is an animal lover too and carries dog treats in her pocket!

With the tissue expander back in place I can continue with the reconstruction process and be a little more "balanced". I've heard all of the jokes about being a unicorn, leaning to one side, and going in circles with only one breast being expanded. In a couple of months I will be expanded and ready for the next step.

In the meantime, I have an appointment Wednesday with the radiation oncologist. She will do measurements, etc. in preparation for my radiation treatments. I need to have 33 radiation treatments. The treatments will happen everyday Monday-Friday until I've had all of the treatments. My plan is to get all of the treatment out of the way in 2012. I want 2013 to be a fresh start!

Today's my last chemo!!

I was up early today - 4 a.m. - as I often am the day of chemo but this day is special - it's my last chemo treatment!! You would think it was Christmas morning! I see today as being one step closer to having all of this behind me. I want to get back to what will be my new normal. I want my energy back.

They say cancer changes you life. I think that's true. For me it's changing my life for the better. I have better clarity into my future and what I want to do with my life. They always say "there's no time like the present". That saying becomes a lot more meaningful post-cancer. My family has always been important to me but they are even more important now. Their unwaivering support and always being just a phone call away can't be measured.

Today and tomorrow are supposed to be rainy in San Diego so it will be a good time for me to go through my normal chemo side-effects: sleep, watch Lifetime movies; sleep some more; get caught up on Grey's Anatomy; and of course, sleep some more. This time will be different though because it's the last time I'll have to go through it!

The next set - get the port removed from my chest. Get a new tissue expander put in to continue on the reconstruction path. Meet with the radiation oncologist to get set up to start radiation. Radiation should start in early November. I've heard it can make you tired but it's nothing like chemo. I'm really hoping to get all of the treatment out of the way by Christmas. It will make for a great New Year's Eve!

Chemo update.

I am far overdue in sending out an update on the latest so I'll give you a snapshot of the past couple of weeks.

Last weekend, Sept 24th and 25th I spent a wonderful weekend in Minneapolis where my really good-looking nephew Andrew and the lovely Emily got married. It was really nice fall-like weather with lots of warm sunshine on their outdoor wedding. It was great for me to get to see so many of my family members. I haven't seen most of them in a couple of years. With everything that's gone on this past year I really needed to see them. I realized when I was there how much they all needed to see me as well. You know that feeling of seeing someone who hasn't been well and how once you see them and "put your eyes on them" you know they are going to be OK. That's how it felt. Courtney also made the drive from Chicago to Minneapolis so I was able to see her as well. She hadn't had the opportunity to see her mom's bald head or fashionable wigs!

All of this wonderfulness did come at a price. I caught a cold when I got back to San Diego. Because I had a cold the chemo nurses wouldn't let me get my final chemo treatment last week! I tried to convince them that I would be fine. It turns out they weren't worried about me they were worried about me making the other chemo patients sick! Believe me, I called and begged for chemo. I'm sure they don't get that call everyday.

Anyway, chemo has been re-scheduled for this week Wednesday, October 5th. I CAN'T WAIT! I am so excited about getting this phase of treatment out of the way. As it turned out, I was home in bed part of last week trying to get over my cold. I was feeling pretty miserable and couldn't imagine dealing with the chemo issues as well. Darn those nurses - they are always right!

Right after my very last chemo this week is our Peregrine Breast Cancer Bake Sale. We started this event three years ago as a way of raising money for my friend Jessie who does the Breast Cancer 3-Day here in San Diego every year. Little did I every imagine three years ago that I too would be benefiting from this Bake Sale. This isn't just any bake sale. We usually raise about $1,200-$1,500. You see, there are a lot of men at my company and they all LOVE to eat. Our bake sale is not only bake goods but soups, sandwiches, lasagna, and other Asian dishes. The bake sale will be on Monday, October 10th. So many of the people I work with have commented to me how I put a face with the realities of breast cancer. I have to agree. I didn't in my wildest dreams ever think I would be dealing with breast cancer in my lifetime.

More updates to come AFTER MY LAST CHEMO!  Next it's surgery to put me back together again then radiation treatments.

Counting Down the Chemotherapy

Chemo # 4 is now completed with only two treatments left to go!! August 11th was my fourth treatment which I am sooo happy to get behind me. Being able to say I was halfway through was one thing but now I can actually count DOWN!

In an odd way, this treatment seemed to go better than most. I think it was more "mind over matter" that made me feel that way but I felt like I bounce back faster this time. The queasiness seems to be the hardest thing to get over. It's difficult sometime to know if I'm queasy from the chemo or if I'm hungry. If I think I might be hungry then I have to think about what sounds good and what won't make the heartburn start. As I've said before, it's a lot like having the flu.

This time during chemo I fell asleep in the big, leather, comfy recliner. They give me something to take the edge off before they start chemo. For some reason, this time it made me really tired. With about 30-45 minutes left in the treatment, I put my head back and I was out. When the nurse (Barb) woke me, she assured me there was no snoring!

As we left the chemo room, Jessie and I did a "high five" in the hallway! Four down and two to go!

Halfway Through Chemo!!!

I have another round of chemo done and I'm halfway through! I have 6 rounds to do and 3 behind me. I can't really say they have been easier or harder they've just been more chemo. :(

I learned something interesting this time. I usually get bad bone pain in the form of a nasty headache two days after chemo. The nurse told me to take Claritin for the bone pain. She couldn't explain why it worked only that she had heard it worked. She was right! I took Claritin Friday night and Saturday morning I work up with no headache. I still had the queasiness that goes along with chemo but the actual pain was greatly reduced.

I did have a moment of "can I go through this for three more treatments?" The nausea and generally feeling poorly had all caught up with me but then I don't like having a cold for more than 3 days! I decided I needed a nap and (as Jessie says) "a do over". That nap made all the difference. Never underestimate the power of a nap.

In summary, chemo on Thursday, queasy and achy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday then back to work on Monday. It doesn't get easier but it doesn't seem to get any worse either. It's just chemo!

Next chem (#4) will be August 11th.

Latest Update

I haven't done any updating recently because I've been back at work! After my first chemo I was out for the next 7 days. Following the last chemo treatment I was able to go back after 6 days. I've found that going back to work gets helps me to recover faster. I think it's having a routine and physically moving more helps me get my strength back sooner.

My next chemo will be on Thursday, July 21st and I'm ready. This one will get me to the halfway point - three down and three to go! I know now when I will have good and bad days and I can plan accordingly. Oddly enough, the day after chemo I usually feel pretty good, tired but good. It's two days after treatment that the side effects start in. Three and four days after chemo are usually the hardest. I would describe it as having a bad case of the flu for two days. Someone asked me the other day if I was just not telling her how bad I really feel! It's true, I really only have a couple of days of feel poorly and two to three days of being tired and worn out. I think chemotherapy treatment has come a long way!

I was in Las Vegas from June 24-29 for the National HR Convention. I had been planning to go to that conference for months and NOTHING was going to stop me! It was a great convention and my energy level was very good. We had some late nights so there were a few mornings where I wasn't up too early but don't think I had any chemo effects the entire time I was there.

I have lost all of my hair now. Once it started coming out it all came out. I have a few areas of hair stubble but it's pretty limited! I picked up my second wig last weekend. I like it more than the first, shorter wig! The new one looks very much like my old hair. Many people have been fooled by the wig and think it's my own hair - that's how good it is! Again, I'm very grateful to my co-workers at Peregrine who provided the funds for me to buy these two wonderful wigs. Being able to wear a wig helps me to feel a little more "normal".

I'll provide another update after my next chemo!

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Chemo - 2 Down / 4 To Go!

I've gotten a little behind on my blog but I do appreciate all of you who called to get updates on how I am doing!

I had my first chemo on June 6th. Because I have drug allergies I was instructed to take steroids the day before chemo to prevent any negative reaction. The morning of chemo I woke up at 3 a.m. and was ready to take on the world! I had an overwhelming urge to clean the kitchen floor, the mirrors in the bathrooms, and vacuum. Wow! Steroids are amazing! Once I got to chemo my energy turned to nervous anxiety.

I had a nice comfortable recliner to relax in while getting the chemo cocktail. My friend Jessie came along for entertainment AND she gives a great foot massage. The chemo treatment took about 4 hours.

After the first treatment I got terrible heartburn. Every attempt to sleep was met with more heartburn. I've since learned that Zantac and Maalox will calm the heartburn. Following treatment number 2 I was ready for the heartburn and took care of it very quickly. The biggest problem last time was not drinking enough water. About 2-3 days after treatment everything tastes bad including water. I've tried a little lemon or lime juice but I have to be careful with that or the heartburn comes back.

The next chemotherapy is July 21st. I'll work on perfecting my treatment of the side effects.

Wig Shopping Day Was AWESOME!!

Once I moved on from acceptance to action I made plans for a wig shopping day with my friend Sarah. Sarah is a pretty up-beat person and she had been pushing me for this wig shopping day. Finally in my best defeatist tone of voice I agreed to go.

The plan was to meet at her house then we would go to a place called "The Brighter Side". She had made me an appointment to meet with someone for a private fitting. The Brighter Side is in Solana Beach and specializes is all types of breast cancer survivor apparel, wigs, makeup, you name it! It was the perfect place for me.

To back up a minute, when I went to Sarah's house she presented me with this huge gift basket. She had emailed people at work asking for donations to put together a gift basket for me before I started chemo. Did I mention how awesome Sarah is? Well, the donations started coming in and coming in as you would expect from the wonderful people I work with at Peregrine. The gift basket included all of my favorite bath products, special lotions and cleanser that are helpful when your skin dries from chemo and radiation. The softest blanket I've ever felt, magazines, soft booties, and a little pink beanie that I will need to keep my head warm at night after I lose my hair. There were also some gift cards. I've been told that some of the possible burning sensations during chemo can be averted with ice of better yet Jamba Juice. There were two Jamba Juice gifts cards included. The most unbelievable part of this were the three $500 American Express gift cards! My co-workers wanted to pay for my hair!! These are the best people ever. They knew how I was dreading the hair loss that comes with chemo. So, when we went off to do our wig shopping the only problem I had was holding back the tears from the generosity of the wonderful people I work with!

P.S. I ended up buying two wigs and some head scarves. No, I didn't buy a blonde, red, long, or pink wig as were suggested to me. I stayed with a more conservative look!

Chemo Class - Can you believe they have such a thing?

Wednesday was my "chemo class" day at the oncologist's office. They do these classes weekly to get everyone informed at the same time about the do's and don'ts of chemo (and there are a lot of them!). There were four of us crowded into a small room with our "care giver" as they were called (spouse, friend, child). The nurse teaching the class as been in oncology for many years so she had an excellent background and was a wealth of information. We each received a packet of information about the chemo "cocktail" we were going to receive along with a lot of information on "when to call the doctor" and other informational pieces.

My chemtherapy will take 4 hours. Most treatments are about that long with some being longer. One gentleman in the group who appeared to be in his mid-forties, reminded me of my "little" brother Allen. This guy appeared to be a corporate guy who had a lot of things going on. (He showed up 10 minutes late.) His treatment will take 6 hours. You could see the frustration on his face when they told him this. His first question "can I bring my laptop?". He was pleased when he was told that he could. I stared at him for a minute in disbelief. I wanted to say "where are your priorities" and "how do you think you got here in the first place"? If his treatment takes 6 hours he has either a nastier type of cancer or it is in more advanced stages. It's funny how you look at things when you are on "this side". I'd like to think that Allen is a little more in touch with his priorities! He has 3 great kids and great kids don't happen accidentally.

If you enjoy reading things on Dr. Internet (WebMD) these are the three types of chemo I will be receiving: Cytoxan, Taxotere, and Adriamycin (aka the red devil - it seems to me that they should all have some catchy name like that since they are all very devilish on your system but Adriamycin is actually red in color).

Of the four people in the room I was the only one with breast cancer. I was actually a little surprised since it seems to effect so many people. My packet was also the thickest. I am certainly seeing the benefit of those Susan G. Koman fundraisers. I received so much information and helpful information about breast cancer. I like to know what I'm dealing with and how something like this can spread and all of the treatment options. It was great information. There are also so many resources available now online. Many very useful links were included in my packet of information.

The most difficult part of the class for me was when the instructor went around the room and pointed at each of us (except for one older gentleman who didn't have much hair anyway!) and said "you will lose your hair" and "you will lose your hair", and so on.

I guess I knew all along that there was a pretty good chance that if I had chemo I would lose my hair. I kept thinking of those well-meaning friends who would say to me that not everyone loses their hair. Well, that bubble was burst last week. I don't know why I can make a decision to have a double mastectomy so easily  (which, by the way, won't grow back) and be so devastated about losing my hair (which will grow back)!

There is so much about being diagnosed and treated for cancer that is emotional. I can manage the pain of the surgeries and work through the physical therapy to stretch my arms but dealing with the disfigurement of my body and hair loss isn't something that a pill can fix.

I took a day after my class and did something I'm not good at doing. I let myself grieve for what I've lost and for what I'm about to go through. Actually, it was really more of a self-pity day but it felt good. There hasn't been time or I haven't allowed myself time to go to the dark side and really feel what it is I'm going through. I knew I wouldn't like the dark side so I kept telling myself not to go there. I spent about a day reading, researching, and crying. I then had to tell myself that I'm into something that I can't control so I need to do what I have to and get through this. I've now been to the dark side and I came out on the other side! I'm ready to get started on chemo and get this next step behind me!

One little step backwards.

I had a small step backwards this week. I saw the plastic surgeon on Wednesday for my weekly followup. He didn't like the looks of the skin on the left breast (that's the "good" side). It was very red and warm to the touch indicating it was possibly infection. He also looked at the drainage hole and saw the tissue that now looked like a deflated blister. He very proudly says "we can take care of that". He then gets out a container of what looks like match sticks. They were actually silver nitrate. He rubbed a few of those around that area and it literally burned off the tissue - gross! That small area burned like fire for the next 5-6 hours until it turned black and fell off - double gross!

The doctor wanted to see what was going on in the reddish area so he stuck a very small needle (it really didn't stick when he said I would feel a stick) into the red area and drew out some clear fluid. He thought it was only fluid and decided to wait a couple more days to see if it cleared up.

When I went back on Friday that small area where he put in the needle was now a white, puffy area that looked like a large pimple. I went back to the doctor where he stuck in another needle only this time the fluid was white and cloudy indicating it was infection. Back to the hospital I went.

Friday night at 8:30 p.m. I went back into the same operating room with one of the nurses who was there last time and remembered me. That's really sad when the pre- and post-op nurses remember you. The plastic surgeon went in and removed the tissue expander altogether and decided to leave it out until I'm done with chemo and radiation.

My good friends Sarah AND Jessie went with me to the doctor. Jessie then took me to the hospital, waited until the surgery was over then came back home with me and spent the night. Sarah came over this morning to take over the second shift and keep me company. I really do have the best friends in the world!

Today I feel very well. I think my pain level is lower than when I went in for surgery. I'm back on antibiotics and will see the plastic surgeon again next week.

All things considered, it probably was best to put off any more of the reconstruction process until I'm finished with treatment. I need to get started on chemo since it's been more than a month since the first surgery. Next week I have "chemo class" on Wednesday. This is a training session the oncologist's office does for all new chemo patients. It's a chance for them to ask questions and see what happens during the chemo process. It will be good. As much as I'm not looking forward to the possible side effects, I am anxious to get started and get this behind me.

Next weekend I'm going shopping for a wig! I'm really dreading the possibility of losing my hair but yet when I talk about it, it seems really petty that I would be stressing over something like hair. If chemo will prevent future cancers then I'm ready to do this!

Another step closer to chemo.

I had the port put in yesterday for chemo. The surgeon freaked me out a little before surgery. Since the drainage hole on the left side is still draining and the breast is somewhat red, he is concerned about infection. If there is infection it could go directly to the port in which case it needs to come out immediately.

I took this information and immediately started worrying about it when I got home. I was checking it in the mirror every couple of hours. I woke up twice during the night to take pain pills and had to turn on a light so I could see if it was red! Maybe I'm a little overly cautious but hey, I have never been through this before.

Today it looks fine, just a little bruised and sore.

Once again it's been great having awesome friends! After temporarily stopping the meal service my co-workers had established (at my request) they started again on Friday. I have more food in my refrigerator that I won't need to cook anything the rest of the week! Not only that but for yesterday's surgery I had to be at the hospital at 5:45 a.m. for a 7:30 a.m. surgery. My dear friend Sarah who I can always count on, arrived at my house about 5:20 and drove me to the hospital. She had to be at work that morning by 8:30 so another long-time friend, Linda, did the hand off at the hospital and stayed until I was ready to come home.

Linda and I also work together and I know that much of her work can be done from home. She spent the rest of the day AND NIGHT with me to make sure all was well. The hospital required that someone be with me for the first 24 hours. Linda was working away in my little home office while I napped, etc. Shadow also knows and likes Linda because she gives her treats and takes her for walks so we were all happy that Linda was here! Gosh I have a LOT of good friends!

I'm riding a roller coaster!

That past couple of weeks have been a roller coast ride. I saw the plastic surgeon last week who took out the remaining two drains. I now get very nervous when they take out drains because of the fluid that backs up if there is too much drainage. He also put more fluid into my tissue expanders which is never pleasant. The last time I had that done I got very achy all over and ran a low-grade fever. I spent the entire day stressing about how I was going to feel that evening! When I told the doctor about it he had no explanation for why I was having that reaction. He did say I could take Advil for the fever. I went home prepared to fight off the achiness AND any fever. I took some preemptive Advil and went to bed. As the evening went on I continued to feel alright with no fever and only minimal achiness. I learned two things in this experiment: 1) Advil CAN be your best medicine; 2) many times the body will do what the mind tells it to do!

My home health nurse came a couple of days later because I developed what looked like a blister at the site where the drain had been removed on the left side. It was VERY tender and I was still having a lot of drainage. The nurse looked at it and said "they did it again" meaning in his opinion they took the drains out too soon. In the process of removing the drain and the pressure from the fluid in the breast, there was subcutaneous tissue forced out of the drainage hole. Essentially it was a cluster of nerve endings. Eventually the drainage will stop and the tissue will dry leaving a scar. The drainage has slowed and the "blister" has already started to decrease in size. In the meantime it only adds to the pain level and discomfort. I wouldn't be able to use words to describe my home health nurse except to say that he is not without words. He also refers to the insurance company as "those bastards"! He is also very knowledgeable and explains things on a non-doctor level which I really appreciate. He explained to me that my body is going through a similar experience as that of an amputee. (I guess technically that's what a mastectomy is.) The body goes through trauma and shock trying to re-adjust to the missing parts. He feels that everytime I get these saline injections into the tissue expanders, it causes my body to have a reaction to the trauma all over again. When I put this procedure into that perspective, it all makes sense. What a learning experience this has been!

Since the drains were removed I was cleared to have the port-a-catheter put in so I can start chemotherapy.

Through everything there have only been three times that I really felt like falling apart over this entire process. The first time came as you might expect, the day I got the news that it was breast cancer. I think everyone asks themself "why me", "how did this happen", and "what should I expect". I asked these questions and occasionally still ask them. The second breakdown I had was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror after surgery and saw what had actually been done. I had seen pictures of both single and double mastectomies so I had some expectations of what it would look like. Seeing it on myself was completely different. It wasn't so much attractive vs unattractive as it was the reaction you have to any extensive surgery that looks bloody and bruised with the occasional staple.

My most recent breakdown was the day the home nurse told me what was going on with the "blister" at the drainage site. After he left I was in a lot of pain and concerned that I would have to have surgery again because of the drainage. I would imagine there will be a lot more days like this one with the upcoming chemo treatments but knowning that I haven't even gotten to chemo yet is concerning. Once I pulled myself together and took a nap, I woke up feeling better and told myself that tomorrow will be a new day that will be much better.....and it was!

Back on track again.

The surgery went well on Thursday. Marsha is here with me and will be staying for an additional week. Marsha's husband (my brother) Lyle came on Thursday as well so they were both with me at the hospital and drove me home afterwards. They were troopers. I had to be at the hospital at 1:30 p.m. with the surgery scheduled for 3:30. The surgery got started about 5:00 p.m. and took an hour. They kept me for another couple of hours after surgery before letting me go home. We finally got home around 8:30 p.m. It was a long day or all of us.

If you've had surgery before you know that you can't eat or drink anything after midnight the night before. They let me have a piece of toast at 5:30 a.m. but nothing more the rest of the day. By the time we got to the hospital I was starving and a little cranky. The first thing I see at the hospital is a big poster with a nice cup of coffee and some pretty muffins! I was ready to lick that poster!

Lyle left yesterday to go back to Virginia. He had business in Southern California so it worked out well that he could be here.

Back to surgery.

My home care nurse came for a visit on Saturday of last week and noticed some swelling on the lower left-side of the left breast. In case you are keeping track, this was the non-malignant side. I saw the doctor on Monday and he put me back on antibiotics. I had a regular appointment scheduled for Wednesday. When I saw him on Wednesday the swelling and redness had not gone down and the upper side looked bruised as if there was some internal bleeding. So, today I'm going back in for surgery to relieve the swelling and clean up any internal bleeding.

The right breast (malignant side) looked very purple and dark along the incision line. I was told this was because there was very little tissue left under the skin because they take as much as they can to make sure they got all of the cancer and good clean margins. Some of that area isn't adhering so they are going to clean up some of that dead skin during surgery to relieve the swelling on the left side.

It should be a relatively short surgery but it's still a surgery with general anesthesia. I'm a little disappointed but I think once this is done I will heal up much faster.

I'm going in this afternoon for surgery at 3:30 p.m. I'm really grateful that my sister-in-law Marsha is here yet this week to run me to all of these doctor appointments and now the hospital.

I'll provide more updates after surgery.

Follow-up Treatment

This past week I met with both Drs. Eisenberg (oncologist) and Batra (plastic surgeon). I met with Dr. Eisenberg prior to surgery to get a general idea of what would be necessary in the way of follow up treatment following surgery. This was all preliminary pending surgery results. The results weren't quite as good as expected. The cancer spread into the lymph nodes and 3 of 12 were positive for carcinoma. I will need to have some follow up chemotherapy but it's undecided about radiation.

Chemotherapy has certainly come a long way over the years. My chemo treatments will be once every three weeks for four months. Each treatment takes about 2 hours. The day after chemo I go in for a shot that helps boost the white blood cells. None of this will happen until I am at least a month out from surgery.

The oncologist isn't sure about whether radiation is necessary. Normally, if there are 4 or more lymph nodes that show carcinoma the next step is radiation. Since I only had 3 test positive he wants me to talk to the radiation doctor about whether treatment is necessary. I'm really hoping to bypass radiation treatment if possible but I'll do whatever is necessary.

I also saw the plastic surgeon this week. He took the last two drains out which was a victory in and of itself. I'm getting more active everyday and was always getting the drains caught on things which would cause them to tug on my skin. I still have the stitches and staples which are pretty uncomfortable. They will stay in until the tissue expanders come out so probably another 4-6 weeks. The tissue expanders were put in under the  chest muscle to expand the skin. The skin needs to be expanded to make room for the implants (aka new boobs!). The expanders are like an uninflated balloon with a magnetic tag that extends away from the balloon. The surgeon uses a small magnet to locate the magnetic tag on the expander. Once it's located he inserts a needle and injects saline solution into the expander. He will continue to do this every week or two before putting in the implants. It wasn't particularly painful when he did the injections one side got very uncomfortable afterwards. Later that day and the day following I felt achy all over, much like body aches from the flu. It's better today but I hope this isn't something that happens each time they are expanded.

People are wonderful!

I don't know where to begin thanking everyone who has been so helpful. Just saying "thank you" doesn't seem like enough.

Courtney was with me through the surgery and getting me home and settled. When she came to the hospital to pick me up to go home, she had the back seat full of pillows. Some of my friends told me to put pillows around me on the ride home because of the bumps in the road. I felt like the Michelin Man with pillows behind and around me! We left the hospital around 5:30 p.m. and drove in the slow lane all the way home. Cars were flying around us because we were going so slow!

Courtney had to go back to Chicago the week after surgery so my sister-in-law Sharon came from Denver for a week. Sharon and I have been friends for 20+ years and have the same sense of humor so she kept my spirits up when I was feeling down. She was also my chauffeur to the doctor and kept track of my medication regimen.

Sharon left on Easter Sunday but another sister-in-law, Marsha, came from Virginia for a couple of weeks. She and Sharon had an overlap in their schedules so Marsha could get up to speed on the care and feeding of Brenda! Marsha's been great at helping me to get around and chauffeuring me. Shadow appreciates that she only has to look at Marsha with her cute brown eyes and she gets a treat. Shadow has only been willing to take short walks with Sharon and Marsha. She doesn't want to be away from me for too long!

My friend Jessie from work was in charge of the "sista' swap". She went to the airport Saturday evening to pick up Marsha then picked up Sharon Sunday afternoon and took her to the airport. Jessie also brought me an Easter lily. I love the way they smell so it helped to make me feel like it was Easter. What a big help Jessie has been.

It seems that my friend Sarah has organized the people I work and set up a schedule so they can bring me dinner every night. What an awesome and helpful thing that has been! It's a surprise because we never know what we're having for dinner and it's always delicious! Once again I have to say that I work with some wonderful people at a great company!

What's the latest?

I've been slow to update my blog this past week so I apologize.

I saw the general surgeon on Friday, Dr. Sorkhi. He feels confident that he got all of the cancer (YEAH!) but it had spread to the lymph nodes so they had to be removed as well. The lymph nodes on the left side were biopsied but they didn't show any signs of cancer. The breast tissue that was biopsied on the left side also came back benign but I had already decided to do a bi-lateral mastectomy. I feel more confidant than before that it was the right decision. I didn't want to go through all of this only to have more abnormal tissue show up on the left side six months from now.

I have some lymphodemia in my right arm causing it to swell somewhat. The surgeon sent me to physical therapy yesterday to start working on what needs to be done to keep the swelling down. The lymph nodes are designed to forces waste from your body tissue out of the body. When the lymph nodes are missing the fluid stays in that area and causes swelling. Therefore, I am learning new exercises to help get the fluid out of my arm to prevent swelling.

Tomorrow I see the oncologist. I'm anxious to find out what the regimen will be for chemotherapy. When I talked to him before surgery he thought it would probably be 4-6 weeks of chemo but only one day per week. I hope that is still the case.

I also see the plastic surgeon tomorrow. With any luck I'll be able to get the last two drainage tubes taken out. They pull a lot and make it uncomfortable to sleep.

Thursday I have more physical therapy. I'm looking forward to it because the therapist massages my arm and make it feel good!

Home Health Care

My doctor has ordered a Home Health Care Nurse to come to my house and check on me. The first nurse came on Friday. He checked and changed my bandages, temperature, etc. This was the first time I saw my chest since the surgery. It wasn't pretty. I wasn't sure that I wanted to look but I wanted to see what it looked like now so I could watch the progress. I was surprised that I didn't feel more traumatized! I keep thinking that at least the cancer is out. Maybe it will hit me later but for now, it's not a big deal.

While the nurse was here he gave me a lot of tips on what to eat while recuperating. It was interesting because he was pushing a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables and vitamin supplements for things you can't get fast enough like iron. I generally eat a lot of fruits and veggies so this was music to my ears!

This week I have an appointment with the Plastic Surgeon on Wednesday. He will look at the drainage tubes I have in (4 of them) and probably take them out. I'm really not looking forward to that. I think I've done my time with pain that subjecting me to more pain just seems wrong. He also put in tissue expanders under the chest muscles. The expanders will be inflated over the next 6-8 weeks then eventually replaced with implants.

Just to let all of you know, no I'm not getting "them" made bigger! I've had bigger ones and there are many drawbacks so I'm actually going smaller - yes - smaller! I would like my blouses to not be gaping open because they are tight.

Friday I have an appointment on Friday with the general surgeon. He should be able to give me more information regarding the extent of the cancer. The lymph nodes needed to have further testing to decide how much chemo I will need. The following week I will meet with the Oncologist about further treatment.


 

I have such wonderful friends!

This experience has had me on quite an emotional roller coaster ride. I've really learned that I have a lot of really good friends, neighbors, and of course, family. For those of you who weren't aware of it, my family is scattered all across the U.S. I have the West Coast represented with a brother on the East Coast and both brothers and sisters in between. They have all taken the time to call or write so we've been able to stay in touch. My sister-in-law who lives on the East Coast (Virginia) is coming next week to stay with me and be my nurse maid. My sister-in-law from Denver (Dave's sister) is flying in today since Courtney has to leave on Tuesday to go back to Chicago. My friend Jessie is going to do the "sister swap" and take care of getting sisters to and from the airport.

I learned on Friday that my office is organizing "food for Brenda" where they sign up to bring dinner to my house everyday. Courtney and I got our first delivery yesterday!

It's really awesome having people doing these things that are so helpful and mean so much to me!

The day after I got home from the hospital was a very busy day for Courtney. I was taking a nap which I do about an hour after every pain pill. During my nap, two flower deliveries showed up and three brothers/sisters called to check in! Prior to my nap, a morning delivery of flowers and an Edible Arrangement were delivered. Like I said, people have been so awsome to help out!

Improving Every Day.

I definitely feel like I'm getting better everyday. I'm trying to do a few more things for myself everyday. That's been partly due to my own survival. Courtney has learned that she can put things out of my reach that she doesn't want me to have. The other morning she was sleeping and I wanted a granola bar. They were on the top shelf in the pantry. I tried getting on my tip-toes then using my fingers to get the box to the edge of the shelf because I can't raise my arms very high. I finally got them to the edge to grab then so I could get one out. Later Courtney saw that I put them on the second shelf where I could reach them. She put them back on the top shelf where they belong! Later she realized they were on that shelf because I could reach them there and reorganized a few things that I could reach. I did notice the Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys are still on the top shelf where I can't reach them!

Recuperating at home.

I came home from the hospital on Thursday the 14th. The doctor wanted me to be able to go home on Wednesday! It was more of an insurance thing. The insurance company has a list of standard hospital stays following certain surgeries. Once again, the insurance comapny is trying to do the doctor's job instead of looking at each case separately.

The doctor wanted me to get up and start walking. I tried to do it on Wednesday but when I stood up I was dizzy and start to feel sick to my stomach. We decided that wasn't going to work just yet. I laid down in bed again and put the oxygen back on while the nurse gave me something for the nausea. The doctor said I reacted that way because I was dehydrated. He ordered more fluid in the IVs and told me to drink a lot more water. I felt much better that evening and was able to talk quite a ways down the hall. By Thursday morning I was realy to go home. The doctor finally came in around 4:30 on Thursday afternoon and discharged me.

Courtney spent the day with me at the hospital waiting for me to be released. She brought a bunch of pillows with her so I could be more comfortable on the ride home. He has paid special attention to the bumps in the road and where there were any holes. I think it took about 10 minutes to get me "packed" into the car. I had pillows behind me, on either side and in front of me to protect me from the seat belt. As we were driving home on the freeway, cars were going around us. I then realized that we were "those people" who do 45 in a 65. It was pretty funny.

It felt really good to be home and in my bed. That night I slept from 8:30 p.m. until 1:15 a.m. without waking up. I normally have a pain pill every 4 hours. It certainly makes a difference being in your own bed.

Surgery Day.

I've gotten a little behind on my postings but I'm going to take a few minutes to get it updated for all of you as much has happened.

Surgery was scheduled for Tuesday, April 12th at 2:30 p.m. I had a lot of last minute things to do in the morning before going to the hospital so I was hurrying around.

I had received a phone message from the hospital Monday afternoon but my cell phone battery was dead so I didn't get the message. When I did get the message it was too late to call her back. The nurse who was calling wanted to go over medical history, etc. I was thinking it was no big deal. She calls me back Tuesday morning and we chatted. She wanted to confirm that I was going to be at the hospital at 10:45 a.m. for dye injections. Eek! Apparently, radiology was to have called me to let me know I was scheduled for an 11:05 appt. This changed a lot of things I had planned to do yet.

After her call Dr. Sorkhi called. He said he had been trying to reach me on Monday but again, I have a new iphone. The battery holds a charge about a few hours but quickly dies. Dr. Sorkhi starts out by saying "we have a small problem". This is something that is never good to hear just before surgery. I've been planning for weeks to make this all come together. I've rearranged my work schedule and interrupted the lives of a lot of people to make this happen.

Dr. Sorkhi received the lab results back on the breast lesion that was found on my left breast. The lesion showed that it was benign. It didn't seem like a big deal sign I was planning to have a bilateral mastectomy anyway.

Dr. Sorkhi then said that he would like to biopsy the lymph nodes on the left side to make sure the cancer was not in the nodes. However, if the lesion was benign he wasn't sure the insurance company would pay to have the nodes biopsied. I've dealt with a lot of insurance issues in the past so hearing this sent my blood pressure up about 10 points! Dr. Sorkhi started laying out my options starting with "we could postpone the surgery until we get another biopsy"!!  I thought to myself that there could be no situation that could come up that would cause me to postpone the surgery!

The bottom line was we agreed to do the double mastectomy and biopy lymph nodes on both sides.

While I was on my cell phone with Dr. Sorkhi, Dr. Batra's office called and wanted me to come in yet that morning. They wanted to mark my breasts so they knew where to make the incisions. Seriously, no one could call about this stuff the day before? I thought we could make it around noon but when I went to the hospital for the dye injections it took longer than expected. I then decided that I was the patient and Dr. Batra was the plastic surgery. If he wanted to draw pictures on my breasts then he needed to come to the hospital to do it!

I went to the hospital around 10:45 where they gave me the dye injections. The purpose was so the surgeon could see the direction of the flow through the lymph nodes. This would help them to see in which order to biopsy them. If the first few didn't show cancer they wouldn't need to remove them. I can't begin to tell you how painful it was to get the dye injections! They make four injections around the nipple area with a very fine needle. The needle wasn't the problem. The dye however, burns like fire! I think that paid was similar to the pain I had right after surgery!

The dye is blue. Through the day after surgery your kidneys filter it out of your body. It started out blue in color then turned to a very deep St. Patrick's Day green then bright Gatorade green a finally back to a normal yellow pee color! All of the nurses would come in a we would laugh about my pee colors!

I was wheeled into surgery around 2:30 p.m. and don't remember anything after 3:05. I do know they put the IV in my jugular vein! When I heard they were going to do that I told then that needed to happen AFTER I was put under. Now I look like I have a vampire bite on my neck.

Surgery took about 6 hours. The first thing they did was to biopsy the lymph nodes. The nodes on the left side were fine and didn't show any signs of cancer. I wasn't so lucky on the right side. They did show the cancer had moved into the lymph nodes so they were removed.

Courtney had nestled herself into a chair in the waiting area. Because I was the only one in the recovery room they let her come back to be with me. It was nice to have someone there to hold my hand.

As I awoke in the recovery room I was of course, in a lot of pain but my blood pressure was quite high (185 over 125). They tried several things to get it down but it kept going up again. Finally, the nurse called a nurse in the ER. She said to sit me up in bed. As soon as they did that it dropped significantly.

Around 1 a.m. they got me to my room and were still trying to get my pain under control. As it got closer to 2 a.m. I started getting a little relief. Courtney left at that point and went home to sleep. I managed to sleep for about an hour that night. I could only think about how the next day will be better!

What a Great Party!!

What do you say when you have a bunch of your best friends, good food, and homemade Sangria? You say it's a GREAT party!

The "Boob Voyage" party was awesome! I had about 25 people and 10 kids (seemed like more) at my house Saturday night. We had "boob-scetta", individual pizzas with a piece of pepperoni in the middle with an olive on top, "chi-chi ladas" (aka enchiladas) and finished off the party with boob-shaped birthday cake.

The evening was wonderful!

Happy Birthday to me!!

As many of you know, today is my birthday! Yes it's true - I'm 55-year-old today. Tonight is the big birthday party that is also known as "The Boob Voyage Party"! Courtney, Sarah and I decided that all things considered, this birthday more than any other, deserves a party. What better theme for the party than "boob voyage"! Other options were "Ta Ta to the Ta Tas" or "Bye Bye Boobies". Guests are asked to bring appetizers such as chicken breasts, melons, or jugs of beverages! OK it's probably a little political incorrect but if I let this cancer diagnosis consume me I would be curled up in a little ball in tears. I'm not typically a person who reacts like that. I am more of a person who comes out swinging. I still have times when all of this gets to be very overwhelming and I do have the times that I cry and ask "why me" but those are rare moments. No one every expects to get the cancer diagnosis and I think there are probably a variety of ways that people handle it. I would prefer to embrace life and celebrate what I do have not what I'm losing!

Countdown to Surgery

The ultrasound didn't show any breast lesions so I had to have an MRI-guided biopsy. The results of the ultrasound took 5 days to get to the surgeon's office so by the time they got the results the next available appointment for the MRI was AFTER my surgery date. Miraculously, Dr. Sorkhi called the MRI center and suddenly I had an appointment the next day!

The MRI-guided biopsy was very tedious and took an hour.  The final step in the process is to put a marker in the breast tissue to identify the location of the suspicious area. After the biopsy was finished I had to get another mammogram of the left breast. Once again it was done at a different location!

I had to have someone drive me to and from the biopsy appointment. My normal driver, Sarah, was unavailable that day so I called on the next person on my list, Sarah's mom Maria! She lives a few minutes from me and had volunteered her services if I needed anything. I really do have a list of people who have offered to help out. If you are reading this blog you are probably on the list so beware - I could call on YOU next!

As of today, I'm still waiting for the results of the biopsy although I don't think it's going to change my mind about doing a bi-lateral mastectomy. It's maybe a radical approach but I don't want to have to ever go through any of this again!

I received a phone call from the surgeon's office yesterday afternoon. They have a list of pre-op requirements from the hospital for anyone scheduled for surgery. One of the things on the list was that all women under the age of 62 are required to have a PREGNANCY TEST!!! Wow - really? I didn't know where to start in telling her how impossible it would be for me to be pregnant. Seriously, think about that - how did they come up with the age of 62? Was the logic that a 62-year-old could be pregnant but NOT a 63-year-old? Anyway, I have dodged the pregnancy test requirement.

 

More Tests......

Today I thought I would be proactive and call the surgeon's office to see if they had scheduled the second biopsy. It turns out that I need to have an ultrasound done first. The lesion on the left side was detected by way of MRI. The radiologist doesn't know if the ultrasound will be able to pick up said lesion since the MRI picks up more detail. If the ultrasound doesn't pick up this lesion then it will need to be an MRI-guided biopsy rather than an ultrasound-guided biopsy. It makes sense it's just one more stop along the way! As of today I have an appointment for an ultrasound of the left breast on Wednesday afternoon. I'm going to go take care of the bloodwork the oncologist wants as well. Keep in mind that all of these tests are being done at different locations! The ultrasound happens at one location, the bloodwork is the same building but a different floor. The biopsies are all done at a different place. The MRI is done at another place and the bone scan is done at the hospital. Oh, and it's not the hospital where I'll be having surgery. The surgery will be done at Palomar Pomerado Hospital in Poway. At least these are all within reasonable proximity to each other. The surgery has been confirmed for April 12th at 2:30 p.m. Since it's going to be later in the day I'll probably be there overnight.

Keep the well wishes coming. As the date gets nearer I'm growing a little more anxious.

Enough Already!!

All things considered, I've been going through all of the tests and procedures and doing pretty well. On Thursday, I got a call from the general surgeon. He had received the results of my MRI that was done earlier in the week. He said the left breast shows a lesion. All along they've only been looking at the right one because that is where the tumors are. In looking at my mammogram taken in June 2010 the left one didn't show calcifications or lesions. The purpose of doing the MRI was to make sure they were seeing anything suspicious in both breasts. I guess the test was worthwhile. My understanding is that a breast lesion is an  abnormality or alteration in the tissue’s integrity (that is according to my second source of information - the Internet!). The surgeon now wants a biopsy of that area to see exactly what it is. That means more needles. But if there is something going on with the left breast then let's find it now!

The surgeons are trying to get me scheduled for April 12th so getting this biopsy done ASAP is important so they know what they are dealing with. My feeling about all of this - just do a double mastectomy and let's start all over with new ones!

I'm learning a lot about breast cancer through all of this. Did you know that breast cancer is found more frequently in the left breast? Mine started on the right side so I've disproved that theory!

Thank you to all of you for your support and positive feedback. It really does help and goes a long way!

One More Test.

I think I'm finally reaching the end of testing/doctors and all of the poking and prodding that goes along with it. I had a bone scan this morning. It required another injection of some sort of dye. I'm pretty sure I'm going to start glowing in the dark! The bone scan was a lot like the CAT Scan. Your only job is to lay very still for about 20 minutes while the x-ray machine scans your body. I think I could have had the TSA do the same thing at the airport for a lot less fuss and expense!

I stopped at LabCorp after my bone scan to get the blood work done that the onologist ordered. The waiting area was packed. I looked at the bruises on the inside of both arms and decided I could do the blood work another day. I'm feeling a bit like a pin cushion.

I talked to the surgeon's office to see if they have confirmed a surgery date yet. The week of April 4th apparently only works for me. They are trying to get it set up for either April 1st (I'm not crazy about having surgery on April Fool's Day. I would get some joker who gives me a nose job instead of a b--- job) or April 12th. I really want to get in and get this taken care of. Enough with the testing and sticking of needles!

Did I tell you about the great place I work??

On March 8th I celebrated 10 years with Peregrine Semiconductor. It is hard to belive. I've never stayed at any company that long. Peregrine is a little different. We now have about 250 employees yet many times it feels like a big family!
I work with two breast cancer survivors. They have been very supportive and provided me with lots of advice, recommendations, and deciphered some of the doctor-speak.
Last week, after discussing my diagnosis with two, shall we say "higher-level" co-workers, they immediately offered up their airline travel miles so that Courtney could be here with me during my upcoming surgeries. I would have never thought of that but immediately they were concerned about the financial impact to me. (I am tearing up again just thinking about it.)
My boss, the guy who watches the company money, has refused to talk to me about a company self-funded disability plan. I was trying to tell him that I didn't want the company doing anything special for me. He explained that as a company, we needed to put together a formal disability program and this seemed like a good time to implement it. He's decided to work with Sarah, my person-who-knows-all in the HR department. He draws a hard-line on financial issues but when it comes to people, he has a soft side! He's also caught me a time or two working from home when I'm supposed to be resting. I suddenly get an email from him telling me to get my priorities in order! (i.e. health first, then work)
So, as I was saying, I love that company. Some of the kindest and most generous people work there!!

Meeting The Oncologist

This morning I had the MRI done. If you have never had an MRI done before it's a noisy test. You lay on a table that is moved into a circular tube-type device much like the procedure for a CAT Scan. There is a lot of general noise when the MRI starts with varying noises as the test continues. It takes about 30-45 minutes to complete the test.
In my particular case, without being too graphic, I laid face down on the table. Because this was a "breast MRI" there were special "openings" on the table to accommodate my anatomy (if you get my drift). I was actually very comfortable laying there and it was first thing in the morning so I fell asleep during the test! Suddenly the machine started making a different noise that startled me! I jumped a little but not enough to mess up the test thankfully.
This afternoon I met with the oncologist, Dr. Eisenberg. He is a very personable guy and explained all of the doctor-terms on my lab results from the biopsy.
As he read through the reports he kept giving me a thumbs up! Once again, I feel that the type of cancer I have combined with catching it early gives me a very good long-term prognosis. Nothing at this time indicates that I will need radiation therapy. (Yeah!) When they do the mastectomy they will check the lymph nodes and do a sentinel-node biopsy (you'll have to look that up on the internet). If that biopsy shows cancer or if more cancer cells show up during the surgery then I may need chemotherapy. The chemo would be done one day per week over 4-6 weeks. If everything during the surgery indicates no further cancer cells then I will probably have to do five years of hormone therapy. This therapy would amount to taking an estrogen-blocking pill once a day everyday for 5 years. My type of cancer is hormone sensitive so if the estrogen production in my body is suppressed it won't be able to "feed" any remaining cancer cells. The human body is an amazing thing!
Tomorrow is more blood work for Dr. Eisenberg and a bone scan. The bone scan is more precautionary than anything else. If I should have to need radiation therapy, they want to make sure my bones are strong. I think I have great bones - I'm a Jacobson - we come from good stock!
So far, it looks like the surgery will be April 4 or 5. I need to make some calls tomorrow to see if a date has been confirmed.

Good News!

When you learn you have breast cancer you don't often hear the term "good news". Last week I did actually get some good news. Dr. Sorkhi called to discuss my meeting with the plastic surgeon. First of all, I was taken back because I've never had a doctor call ME! We discussed the meeting and talked about a date for the surgery. He then told me he had received the results of the CAT Scan and it showed the cancer has not spread. It is confined to the right breast. YEAH! It was excellent news. This means that doing a mastectomy will probably be the only treatment, no radiation, and no chemo! There are still more tests to run and the surgery may indicate otherwise but for now it all looks good!

Doctors, Doctors, Doctors!!!

I had NO idea this entire ordeal would become so overwhelming. Do far I have seen my primary care physician, a general surgeon, and two plastic surgeons. I've had biopsies and a CAT Scan. This week I have a breast MRI and a bone scan. I also have to see an oncologist. Just knowing that I have an oncologist is very surreal. Heck, this entire ordeal has been surreal!

How I Got Here

Most of you are reading this today because you have heard that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Let me give you some background on what got me here.

On February 2nd, 2011, I accidentally brushed my arm against my right breast and felt a lump. Upon further investigation, I realized it was in fact, a lump. It's the thing that you never find when you do those monthly exams which was why I wasn't good about doing them. I was, however, religious about going in for mammograms every year. Every year I would get the "all is clear" letter and know that I was good for another year.

This time was a little different. This time it WAS a lump! I was hurriedly getting ready for work so I didn't think about it too much but knew that I needed to call the doctor when I got to work. Later that morning I made the appointment.

Friday, February 4th I went to see the doctor. My regular doctor was out on maternity leave so I saw a different doctor, Dr. Seruelo who turned out to be a very pleasant doctor. I told her about the lump and started to tell her where it was when she stopped me and told me to let her see if she could find it. She found it - and a second one next to it! Dr. Seruelo was very calm and told me not to freak out. She said these things can often end up being nothing. She did say that on my last mammogram done in June 2010 there were some calcifications but a lot of people have those and they were not a big deal.

She sent me in for another mammogram and an ultrasound. Both were done on February 9th. The mammogram showed very clearly the two lumps and a cluster of small calcifications.

The doctor then ordered an ultrasound-guided needle biopsy and a stereotactic biopsy on the calcifications. Both were done on February 25th. I could write an entire book on the joys of biopsies but unless you've had one you may not understand the strange and uncomfortable positions they put you in for a biopsy! The best part of the biopsy - being told "no physical activity for 48 hours" IT WAS GREAT! It was rainy during the next 48 hours so I had a lot of reading and TV time. Aaahhh yes, it truly was relaxing.

I had a pretty unsettling feeling about the biopsies. The ultrasound technicians said it would take 5-7 business days to get the results. That meant it would the end of the following week. So that I didn't have to wait until Friday for the doctor to call and tell me to schedule an appointment for the following week, I made an appointment for Friday, March 4th. When I called on Wednesday to try to get the results, I was told the doctor would go over them on Friday. Again, that unsettling feeling.

On Friday, my good friend and co-worker, Sarah, who you will no doubt hear more about because she seems to pull me through all of the difficult times, went with me to the doctor. The doctor came into the room where the two of us were nervously waiting. She came into the room and announced "it's not good news". Stunned would be the best way to describe my feelings. I knew the two lumps could more than likely only be one thing. I expected the calcifications to be nothing but I was sadly mistaken. The diagnosis was "invasive ductal carcinoma" or IDC. It's a very common form of breast cancer but it can be very aggressive so the doctor told me to start getting it taken care of right away.

It's hard to describe how you feel when you get that kind of news. Paralzyed might be the best word. I cried and had a hard time leaving the doctor's exam room. I think I really just wanted to go have a good cry. I didn't want to go home, that I knew for sure. I didn't want to be alone. Sarah and I decided to get McDonald's iced coffee (my preference over Starbuck's). We sat and talked for awhile about "it" and how could I have "it". I couldn't bring myself to call it what it is- cancer. In my mind, only other people get cancer. After all, I do the right things. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I go to Jazzercise and do a lot of walking. I really felt that life had let me down.

Sarah and I decided to go over to her parents' home where her mom watches her two boys, Ethan and Adam. They are my adopted grandchildren. They call me Grandma Brenda. Ethan was 3 in January and Adam will be 2 in July. They are entertaining just to watch plus Ethan talks up a storm and you never know what he's going to say. They were just the right medicine for me. They made me laugh and cheered me up. About an hour later I went home where I had three glasses of red wine (because it's supposed to prevent cancer), took a bath and had a good cry in the bathtub. Somewhere in there I watched a Dr. Oz episode and had to yell at him for saying that Greek yogurt helps to prevent cancer - ha - I eat Greek yogurt everyday! No more Dr. Oz for me!

Saturday, March 5th, I spent most of the day being angry. I wasn't angry "at" anyone I was just angry that I had "it" (I was still not calling it by it's name.) The only way I could keep sane was to stay active. I mowed the grass (while crying), trimmed the rose bushes and cut back vines. I ended up being very productive. I did a lot of searching on the internet as well. Most of my searching was to understand the words on the lab report the doctor gave me. The more I read the better it sounded. The main thing was that it didn't sound as if "it" had spread into the lymph nodes. The two tumors are on either side of a lymph node. Because the lymph node wasn't biopsied, they couldn't definitively determine if it was in the lymph nodes. That biopsy will happen during surgery.

On Sunday, March 6th I was finally able to start telling people without falling apart. I also started calling "it" by it's name - cancer. I have to say, I have a LOT of really supportive friends and family out there. I may need to make a list of who has offered to drive me places, take a phone call anytime night or day, bring me food, or watch my dog! It truly has been overwhelming.

The doctor referred me to a surgeon, Dr. Sorkhi, and an oncologist, Dr. Eisenberg. I have made appointments with both. Dr. Sorkhi on March 11th and Dr. Eisenberg on March 21st.

Courtney came home on March 10th so she was able to go with me to see the surgeon. Courtney's job was to make sure we ask all of the questions on our list. My friend Jessie at work is a 5-year breast cancer survivor and is our resident expert on breast cancer. She has been an excellent resource and she's pretty level-headed so she can talk me off the ledge when it all gets overwhelming. She actually composed the list of questions and told me to take the list with me and write down anything else I can think of so that I don't leave the doctor's office with any questions.

March 11th - Dr. Sorkhi - Surgeon
Dr. Sorkhi seemed like a very knowledgeable doctor and spent a lot of time with me answering all of my questions. I had to go into his office the day before to watch a one-hour video. The video was very informative and lays out all of your options when it comes to breast cancer treatment. (i.e. lumpectomy vs. mastectomy, radiation vs. chemotherapy, vs hormone therapy) It was all a bit overwhelming. As Dr. Sorkhi examined me and talked about my lab results, it turned out that I really didn't have all of those options. Because of the tumors on the outside of the right breast and the calcifications on the left side of the right breast, there wasn't going to be much left after a lumpectomy. Therefore, he said he couldn't offer me the option of a lumpectomy it would have to be a complete mastectomy.

I can't say I was too surprised and had already decided I wanted to have a mastectomy just to reduce the chance of reccurance. I was a little surprised when he started expressing concerns about my left breast having the same calcifications and running more tests to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body. I'm sure this is all routine but it was still a little overwhelming. I was still getting used to the idea of cancer in one breast and he's wondering where else it might be!

The next step is bloodwork, CAT Scan, and MRI. Dr. Sorkhi wants to do surgery within the coming month.
Before he does surgery, I need to talk to a plastic surgeon about breast re-construction using my own muscle tissue or breast implants. I'm trying to look on the bright side and appreciate that I'm going to get new boobs out of this!!

To deal with this the best way I can, Courtney and I have had some really crazy conversations. 1) We are planning a trip to Victoria's Secret to buy new bras for my new breasts; 2) I can now play the "cancer card" whenever someone is causing grief in my life (I have already used it once on my boss; 3) I can look forward to time off work and lots of time to watch movies.