How I Got Here

Most of you are reading this today because you have heard that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Let me give you some background on what got me here.

On February 2nd, 2011, I accidentally brushed my arm against my right breast and felt a lump. Upon further investigation, I realized it was in fact, a lump. It's the thing that you never find when you do those monthly exams which was why I wasn't good about doing them. I was, however, religious about going in for mammograms every year. Every year I would get the "all is clear" letter and know that I was good for another year.

This time was a little different. This time it WAS a lump! I was hurriedly getting ready for work so I didn't think about it too much but knew that I needed to call the doctor when I got to work. Later that morning I made the appointment.

Friday, February 4th I went to see the doctor. My regular doctor was out on maternity leave so I saw a different doctor, Dr. Seruelo who turned out to be a very pleasant doctor. I told her about the lump and started to tell her where it was when she stopped me and told me to let her see if she could find it. She found it - and a second one next to it! Dr. Seruelo was very calm and told me not to freak out. She said these things can often end up being nothing. She did say that on my last mammogram done in June 2010 there were some calcifications but a lot of people have those and they were not a big deal.

She sent me in for another mammogram and an ultrasound. Both were done on February 9th. The mammogram showed very clearly the two lumps and a cluster of small calcifications.

The doctor then ordered an ultrasound-guided needle biopsy and a stereotactic biopsy on the calcifications. Both were done on February 25th. I could write an entire book on the joys of biopsies but unless you've had one you may not understand the strange and uncomfortable positions they put you in for a biopsy! The best part of the biopsy - being told "no physical activity for 48 hours" IT WAS GREAT! It was rainy during the next 48 hours so I had a lot of reading and TV time. Aaahhh yes, it truly was relaxing.

I had a pretty unsettling feeling about the biopsies. The ultrasound technicians said it would take 5-7 business days to get the results. That meant it would the end of the following week. So that I didn't have to wait until Friday for the doctor to call and tell me to schedule an appointment for the following week, I made an appointment for Friday, March 4th. When I called on Wednesday to try to get the results, I was told the doctor would go over them on Friday. Again, that unsettling feeling.

On Friday, my good friend and co-worker, Sarah, who you will no doubt hear more about because she seems to pull me through all of the difficult times, went with me to the doctor. The doctor came into the room where the two of us were nervously waiting. She came into the room and announced "it's not good news". Stunned would be the best way to describe my feelings. I knew the two lumps could more than likely only be one thing. I expected the calcifications to be nothing but I was sadly mistaken. The diagnosis was "invasive ductal carcinoma" or IDC. It's a very common form of breast cancer but it can be very aggressive so the doctor told me to start getting it taken care of right away.

It's hard to describe how you feel when you get that kind of news. Paralzyed might be the best word. I cried and had a hard time leaving the doctor's exam room. I think I really just wanted to go have a good cry. I didn't want to go home, that I knew for sure. I didn't want to be alone. Sarah and I decided to get McDonald's iced coffee (my preference over Starbuck's). We sat and talked for awhile about "it" and how could I have "it". I couldn't bring myself to call it what it is- cancer. In my mind, only other people get cancer. After all, I do the right things. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I go to Jazzercise and do a lot of walking. I really felt that life had let me down.

Sarah and I decided to go over to her parents' home where her mom watches her two boys, Ethan and Adam. They are my adopted grandchildren. They call me Grandma Brenda. Ethan was 3 in January and Adam will be 2 in July. They are entertaining just to watch plus Ethan talks up a storm and you never know what he's going to say. They were just the right medicine for me. They made me laugh and cheered me up. About an hour later I went home where I had three glasses of red wine (because it's supposed to prevent cancer), took a bath and had a good cry in the bathtub. Somewhere in there I watched a Dr. Oz episode and had to yell at him for saying that Greek yogurt helps to prevent cancer - ha - I eat Greek yogurt everyday! No more Dr. Oz for me!

Saturday, March 5th, I spent most of the day being angry. I wasn't angry "at" anyone I was just angry that I had "it" (I was still not calling it by it's name.) The only way I could keep sane was to stay active. I mowed the grass (while crying), trimmed the rose bushes and cut back vines. I ended up being very productive. I did a lot of searching on the internet as well. Most of my searching was to understand the words on the lab report the doctor gave me. The more I read the better it sounded. The main thing was that it didn't sound as if "it" had spread into the lymph nodes. The two tumors are on either side of a lymph node. Because the lymph node wasn't biopsied, they couldn't definitively determine if it was in the lymph nodes. That biopsy will happen during surgery.

On Sunday, March 6th I was finally able to start telling people without falling apart. I also started calling "it" by it's name - cancer. I have to say, I have a LOT of really supportive friends and family out there. I may need to make a list of who has offered to drive me places, take a phone call anytime night or day, bring me food, or watch my dog! It truly has been overwhelming.

The doctor referred me to a surgeon, Dr. Sorkhi, and an oncologist, Dr. Eisenberg. I have made appointments with both. Dr. Sorkhi on March 11th and Dr. Eisenberg on March 21st.

Courtney came home on March 10th so she was able to go with me to see the surgeon. Courtney's job was to make sure we ask all of the questions on our list. My friend Jessie at work is a 5-year breast cancer survivor and is our resident expert on breast cancer. She has been an excellent resource and she's pretty level-headed so she can talk me off the ledge when it all gets overwhelming. She actually composed the list of questions and told me to take the list with me and write down anything else I can think of so that I don't leave the doctor's office with any questions.

March 11th - Dr. Sorkhi - Surgeon
Dr. Sorkhi seemed like a very knowledgeable doctor and spent a lot of time with me answering all of my questions. I had to go into his office the day before to watch a one-hour video. The video was very informative and lays out all of your options when it comes to breast cancer treatment. (i.e. lumpectomy vs. mastectomy, radiation vs. chemotherapy, vs hormone therapy) It was all a bit overwhelming. As Dr. Sorkhi examined me and talked about my lab results, it turned out that I really didn't have all of those options. Because of the tumors on the outside of the right breast and the calcifications on the left side of the right breast, there wasn't going to be much left after a lumpectomy. Therefore, he said he couldn't offer me the option of a lumpectomy it would have to be a complete mastectomy.

I can't say I was too surprised and had already decided I wanted to have a mastectomy just to reduce the chance of reccurance. I was a little surprised when he started expressing concerns about my left breast having the same calcifications and running more tests to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body. I'm sure this is all routine but it was still a little overwhelming. I was still getting used to the idea of cancer in one breast and he's wondering where else it might be!

The next step is bloodwork, CAT Scan, and MRI. Dr. Sorkhi wants to do surgery within the coming month.
Before he does surgery, I need to talk to a plastic surgeon about breast re-construction using my own muscle tissue or breast implants. I'm trying to look on the bright side and appreciate that I'm going to get new boobs out of this!!

To deal with this the best way I can, Courtney and I have had some really crazy conversations. 1) We are planning a trip to Victoria's Secret to buy new bras for my new breasts; 2) I can now play the "cancer card" whenever someone is causing grief in my life (I have already used it once on my boss; 3) I can look forward to time off work and lots of time to watch movies.