That past couple of weeks have been a roller coast ride. I saw the plastic surgeon last week who took out the remaining two drains. I now get very nervous when they take out drains because of the fluid that backs up if there is too much drainage. He also put more fluid into my tissue expanders which is never pleasant. The last time I had that done I got very achy all over and ran a low-grade fever. I spent the entire day stressing about how I was going to feel that evening! When I told the doctor about it he had no explanation for why I was having that reaction. He did say I could take Advil for the fever. I went home prepared to fight off the achiness AND any fever. I took some preemptive Advil and went to bed. As the evening went on I continued to feel alright with no fever and only minimal achiness. I learned two things in this experiment: 1) Advil CAN be your best medicine; 2) many times the body will do what the mind tells it to do!
My home health nurse came a couple of days later because I developed what looked like a blister at the site where the drain had been removed on the left side. It was VERY tender and I was still having a lot of drainage. The nurse looked at it and said "they did it again" meaning in his opinion they took the drains out too soon. In the process of removing the drain and the pressure from the fluid in the breast, there was subcutaneous tissue forced out of the drainage hole. Essentially it was a cluster of nerve endings. Eventually the drainage will stop and the tissue will dry leaving a scar. The drainage has slowed and the "blister" has already started to decrease in size. In the meantime it only adds to the pain level and discomfort. I wouldn't be able to use words to describe my home health nurse except to say that he is not without words. He also refers to the insurance company as "those bastards"! He is also very knowledgeable and explains things on a non-doctor level which I really appreciate. He explained to me that my body is going through a similar experience as that of an amputee. (I guess technically that's what a mastectomy is.) The body goes through trauma and shock trying to re-adjust to the missing parts. He feels that everytime I get these saline injections into the tissue expanders, it causes my body to have a reaction to the trauma all over again. When I put this procedure into that perspective, it all makes sense. What a learning experience this has been!
Since the drains were removed I was cleared to have the port-a-catheter put in so I can start chemotherapy.
Through everything there have only been three times that I really felt like falling apart over this entire process. The first time came as you might expect, the day I got the news that it was breast cancer. I think everyone asks themself "why me", "how did this happen", and "what should I expect". I asked these questions and occasionally still ask them. The second breakdown I had was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror after surgery and saw what had actually been done. I had seen pictures of both single and double mastectomies so I had some expectations of what it would look like. Seeing it on myself was completely different. It wasn't so much attractive vs unattractive as it was the reaction you have to any extensive surgery that looks bloody and bruised with the occasional staple.
My most recent breakdown was the day the home nurse told me what was going on with the "blister" at the drainage site. After he left I was in a lot of pain and concerned that I would have to have surgery again because of the drainage. I would imagine there will be a lot more days like this one with the upcoming chemo treatments but knowning that I haven't even gotten to chemo yet is concerning. Once I pulled myself together and took a nap, I woke up feeling better and told myself that tomorrow will be a new day that will be much better.....and it was!
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